Transcript:
There's one thing that I think all the best dads-to-be do and I want to talk about it.
So Afrodaddy's kind of big message has always been that Dads should be present and involved and engaged with their kids' lives, but what I haven't really spoken about a lot over the years is that that actually starts well before your kid arrives
Because before that moment when you actually meet your child for the first time happens, you need to be getting yourself ready to do the job and that involves work.
Now I think for a lot of dads that kind of means getting your home ready you know getting the baby room ready doing the painting fixing anything things that needs to be fixed around the house so that the physical space is as ready as it could be for the arrival of another person in your home and I don't want to undermine that I think that's valuable work that needs to be done.
So here's the number one thing that all pro dads to be do:
They learn.
They learn, they research and they inform themselves about what is currently happening with their child what is going to be happening with their child and how to be the best support for their child and their child's mother.
So that means learning about what's happening with a pregnancy right now and what's going to be happening it means understanding what's going on with the hospital care in your area it's about making sure that you're informed about all the different kind of ways that children can be delivered or what's going to be happening with the adoption process if that's the route you're going for.
I think there's still a really big belief that that's really up to the mom to do that kind of work. I think for a lot of families that comes from the fact that it's the mom's body that's going to be doing all of these things so really she needs to deal with all of the medical stuff.
And while I totally agree that it is the mom's body and you know she needs to be in charge of what's going on with that I think it is important for the father to have the ability to give informed opinions.
~Emphasis on informed~
Right now my wife is in the last month hopefully of her second pregnancy and I'm rediscovering that there's a lot of decisions that have to be made from the moment you realize that the pregnancy is happening to when the baby's actually delivered and it's not fair for the mom to have to make all those decisions by herself she needs help and she needs support.
And this is especially true when the baby's about to arrive. Things become really intense very quickly and often decisions have to be made very very fast. And that is not the time to suddenly try to ingest a bunch of information to make a good decision that has to happen way before the baby arrives.
And you know I often complain about how dads aren't involved with the parenting process from the very beginning and this is a good way to try and push your way into the story of your child early on because no one can say that you don't know what you're talking about because you've done the research you've shown from day one which is by the way before the baby arrives that you are eager and that you want to be the best dad possible so then they have absolutely no reason to even try to exclude you from the entire process.
Also, if it is a pregnancy that you're dealing with being more informed means that you know how to support your partner better during a period where she is at her most vulnerable.
You'll know more about what kind of anxieties pregnant people are feeling and you'll know more about what's happening with their bodies at different times of the pregnancy and whether or not you should be concerned or not.
Again not for you to make the decision unilaterally or to have all the control but really to be a partner.
One of the things that Julie and I really learned in this pregnancy is that the whole goes a lot better when you are truly a team and a team has people who play different roles but they both need to know the game plan.
So Dad-to-be, I'm talking directly to you. In this game of life that is happening right in front of you don't be the ball boy or the water carrier get in the game and the best way to do that is to get yourself informed about what is happening on the field right now.
Of course to do that can I strongly urge you to find information that is backed by evidence and by expertise that comes from years of working in the space there are going to be a lot of people that are going to be trying to tell you about how things should be what you should do or what you shouldn't do that isn't based in reality at all it's just kind of based on their own Vibes.
So the first step to this whole process is learning where to look for the right bits of information and learning what to ignore I will leave that up to you because that is a whole video and a whole task in and of itself.
But let me end by encouraging the dad to be that might be watching this right now I truly believe that you can be a crucial and important member in the team of getting baby to arrive safely in your family.
Now you might not be the MVP because that clearly goes to your wife, especially if she's the one giving birth, but you can be the person that the MVP thanks when everything happens successfully.
You can be the person that she looks at and goes "I couldn't have done this without him. I couldn't have gotten through this without him."
Be that guy I know you can be.