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Your kids will remember every negative thing you say

This post is the transcript from a AfroDaddy video. You can watch the video on Youtube or Instagram.

Hey there, welcome to AfroDaddy.  

Happy New Year, happy holidays and all that jazz.  

As this year started, I've been thinking a lot about the power of words. You know how a really great piece of writing or poetry or song can really stick with you for your whole life? I think the same is true with the words we say, and I think what really sparked that thought was this video: 

Basically the whole video is about the importance of the spoken word and how the way you deliver what you say can really affect how the other person feels and what they even believe.  

And I think that is a huge lesson for parents more than anyone, because we know how important those early years of your life are in forming what you think about yourself and what you think about the world. 

If you are getting a certain kind of message coming from the most important person in your life - your parent - you're eventually going to start to believe that message. So I think for 2024, we all have to really think hard about what that overall message we are delivering to our kids is.  

Is it a fear based message about how terrible the world is and how scary it is outside of this home? 

Is it a message about how great and entitled they are and how they deserve the entire world, and if things don't go the way that that should sulk about it?  

Is it a message that they need to work hard to achieve? And that the only way that they can get any self-worth is by, you know, achieving greatness?  

Or is it a message about kindness and generosity and the fact that their self-worth doesn't come from external factors like how much you earn or how much you own?  

Something to think about.  

I mean, you take the last 100 things you've said directly to your kids. Have they been kind of positive, kind of negative or kind of neutral? Where do you think you fit on that spectrum?  

And I'm not sure about you, but I am the kind of person that cannot remember a compliment. Like I'm sure that in the last three months, someone at some point has paid me a compliment, but if you ask me right now to remember one of those moments, I can't.  

Now either in those three months, I have not been complimented at all or there's something about my brain that just refuses to put the compliment in long term storage.  

But I will remember every single negative criticism that I've received for my entire life. So that's why I think the vast majority of things we say to our kids should be positive because it just takes that much extra effort to make sure that the affirming assuring positive vibes eventually sink into our brains. 

You could show your kids how much you care for them 100 times. You could show them how great you think they are 100 times. You can give them all the support they need 100 times, but if you fail to do that 10 times, then that's the stuff that's going to stick in their brain. 

And that means as a parent you can't mess this up.  


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